Why do Women Feel So Angry?

I recently read an article entitled: " Why do Women Feel So Angry? Welcome to the age of female rage." 

Being an anger management counselor I was intrigued to see if this article held any new 'nuggets' of wisdom that I could use in my own life and pass on to others in both my personal and professional lives. 

Unfortunately I was disappointed. 

This article served only to act as a way to VENT the writers own frustrations.  This is not bad necessarily, since Anger Release is a technique that allows us to expel negative energy in order to gain perspective and 'clear our heads' so we can problem solve more effectively. 

The disappointing part is that the article failed to demonstrate any problem solving.  The writer in fact only provided us with an account of how poorly she sets boundaries in her personal and professional life and worse yet blamed it on Societies Expectations of Women. 

I believe we should all have an opportunity to Vent our Frustrations, but in a constructive manner, especially if we are posting an article in a publication that receives a wide readership. 

This article, in my opinion, only served to say: "You Have a Right to Be Angry", that's the good message, "And it's because of Others Expectations".  Well that's not so good, because then we get into the BLAME GAME.

The BLAME GAME is about saying, "You Made Me Mad."  When in fact we make ourselves mad, by reacting to the situation.  It is our responsiblity to take responsibility for HOW we feel and HOW we act in every situation.

The rest of the message I would have liked to have seen in this article was:

- Set and Stick to Personal Boundaries

- Set Achievable/Fair Expectations at the beginning of all your relationships:  Work, Spouse/Significant Other, Family.

- Don't give into the Social Norm Thinking that "women should be the nurturer and if she has a job, well she should feel guilty for neglecting her family, so she should try harder and make sure that she does not neglect them for her career; oh and she should still maintain her job performance at a high level so she doesnt' jeopardize that relationship either."

You can find the article on the internet, I won't provide a link, just put the title:  "Why do Women Feel So Angry? Welcome to the age of female rage." in the SEARCH ENGINE.

On a personal note I would like to add that in order for us to Not Feel Stuck in our Relationships we need to Practice Self Reflection and then Take Action.  This article, if nothing else, brought up an issue, that for many of us, is all too real, and for that I am grateful.  But I think that we need to take our Frustration Beyond just Anger Release and move towards Problem Solving.  We need to Channel our "anger at our lives and the day to day frustrations" and use it to find Solutions to those situations, instead of "imploding" and "exploding" and then "imploding" and "exploding" as a Survival Mechanism.

Imploding is the Passive Anger Response (you feel unable to confront so you hold your anger, seethe in silence, and then tell yourself that you let it go, when actually you just stored it for later).

Exploding is the Aggressive Anger Response and is the action of Anger Release but with destructive results.

A good practice to get into when you are feeling Stuck in the Imploding/Exploding Cycle is to:

-Balance your load (personally and professionally)

- Don't give into other's unreasonable demands because you feel you have to.  Don't be guilted into feeling "less than" if you cannot be all things to all people.

-Reflect on WHY you are trying to be "All Things To All People" in your life; and

-Start with the Answer to that question;  and use it to: Change Your Thinking, and Change HOW you do things.

The HOW you think and HOW you do things is directly tied to Your Own Sense of Self Worth.  If your Self Worth is Low, then you'll try and overachieve to overcompensate for how you feel.  Your goal will be to be liked so you will over extend yourself, believing others will like you more if you do more for them; and you'll want them to recognize your personal self sacrifice and praise you for it. 

This is the wrong way to raise your Self Worth.  If you are looking for others to raise your self worth, you are missing the key.  The way to raise your self worth is by recognizing and celebrating your own personal achievements and by liking who you are. 

Self Worth comes from inside, not outside.  That's not to say that self worth should not or cannot be influenced by the outside, but it should not be the thing that determines it.

Outside praise should confirm what you already know about yourself.  Positive confirmation/validation of our feelings is important to personal well being.

How we see ourselves has a huge impact on How we interact with our world and our relationships.

Resentment comes from expecting others to 'lift us up'.

Fulfillment comes from 'raising ourselves up'.